It has already been seven months since my Mama passed away from COVID–19 complications. I must say that a lot of things have changed without her. I am still not quite used to not seeing her every day, especially whenever we have our family dates together. There is an empty seat in our family car wherever we go.
There are still moments in my day until now when I long for her embrace, her voice, her laugh, her sumptuous cooking, and so much more. There are also countless nights when I could not sleep well because of the difficult experience of losing her. Mama’s passing brought so much pain to my heart. But in the midst of that pain, God has never left my side, not even once. He was there at every step of the way. People might find it hard to believe but there was also no single question in my mind as to why things had to end this way. There have surely been fears and worries, but God’s peace has just swept over and replaced them with so much joy; it’s unexplainable and incomparable.
One of the remarkable things God showed me these past seven months is how unchangeable His character is, that no matter what situation I find myself in, He will still remain faithful in season and out of season.
2 Chronicles 20:17-18 was one of the passages that spoke to me deeply at that time, which says: “You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” Jehoshaphat bowed down with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the Lord.”
And just like King Jehoshaphat, I still chose to worship the Lord even in the middle of my pain and suffering for I know the battle is His and not mine. Even when I do not understand what is happening around me or what God is doing, He taught me to just trust and worship Him. This became my heart’s posture, knowing that my God is for me and will never abandon me.
Even though I went through the most heartbreaking season of my life, I know God is still good. The battle may be the longest and toughest, but I did not come out defeated, for the battle still ended in victory because I know my Mama is now happily rejoicing with Jesus – completely healed for eternity.
I am excited about what God has in store for me in the future because I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose.
